


Into You

by lessStress



Category: K.A.R.D (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-09-30 01:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17214134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lessStress/pseuds/lessStress
Summary: "I killed him."Heartbreaks led Kim Taehyung to do the unthinkable.





	1. The Arrest

It’s not right. It’s never right. Whatever Taehyung sprays onto the wall, it never feels right, just like everything in his life. These graffiti never look the way he wants them to, despite great attempts. All those efforts and practice seem fruitless when he looks at the result.

But tonight, he doesn’t care. His fingers are blackened from the spray paint, but he keeps going on. He wants to keep painting until all the cans are empty. Until his hands could no longer feel anything.

As he continues drawing on the abandoned storefront, he hears the siren of the police car approaching nearer and nearer. _Finally_ , a smirk appears on his face. The headlight looms in on him, but he keeps painting on the steel doors.

The smirk remains on Taehyung’s face even as the officer steps out and drags his head over the car hood. Relief flows over his body – someone is here for him, someone is ready to take him out of his misery.

“Kim Taehyung, you’re under arrest for the murder of Joseph Kim.”

 

**Eight Months Ago**

“Don’t take it too hard,” said Namjoon. “You’ve improved a lot. What matters is you went out there and you challenged yourself.”

Taehyung nodded, forcing a smile. It was always a risk to go up on stage, especially at this underground club, where the crowd isn’t the most supportive. He needed to practice his rap more, or try new styles, or perhaps rewrite the whole thing altogether.

Or maybe he should quit. He had always felt ambivalent about doing this whole rapping thing. Watching cool performances from Namjoon-hyung or Yoongi-hyung was one thing; rapping on his own was another. He always appreciated the art, but when he created his music, he felt like an impostor. An unwelcome guest in the hip-hop community. Someone who did not and would not belong. But it wasn’t like he belonged anywhere other than with his hyungs.

Still, tonight was another story. Tonight Taehyung wanted to be alone. So he bid Namjoon goodbye at the club – after a lot of reassurance that he would be okay – and walked out.

His head was heavy, and his legs were about to give out. After walking three blocks, he finally decided to stop at a convenience store, not knowing what he wanted to get. He was browsing through the snack aisle when he spotted a head of blonde hair.

He recognised her. This girl was sitting at the back of the club earlier, with the same jean jacket and over-the-knee boots. When he spotted her from the stage, she looked out of place – for a dingy establishment like that, she shone too brightly.

And he had humiliated himself in front of her.

Yet he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. So when she turned, it was inevitable that their eyes met. Miraculously, she smiled at him.

“Hey.”

His lips were frozen.

“You were the guy at the open mic, right?”

“Y-yes.”

She pulled out her cigarette pack. “Wanna go for a smoke?”

**

Her name was Jeon Jiwoo. She did a little bit of everything – singing, dancing, rapping – and was trying to make it in this city. That much he found out as they crouched inhaling smoke in the building’s basement.

“I’ve booked a few dance gigs, but they’re hard to come by,” Jiwoo put out her cigarette on the floor. “But it is what it is. How about you?”

“I’m not doing much,” Taehyung said. “Part-time jobs here and there. Basically just trying to make enough for me and my sister.” He was considering telling her more, but decided to finish his sentence there.

“Are you not gonna rap for real?”

“Well, I’m not good enough. You saw how it went this evening.”

“You’re not that bad,” said Jiwoo. “I found the growling a bit much, but other than that you’re pretty solid. I’m actually surprised to hear your normal speaking voice – it’s really deep. It sounds like it will be good for singing. I'd love to hear more of it.” She turned to him, her face suddenly turning red, “Sorry, I talked a bit too much – was that out of line?”

He hurriedly replied, “No, not at all.” If he was being honest, it was nice to have someone appreciating his work. It made him feel like his work wasn’t in vain. “I’ll try that next time.”

She smiled. “It was nice to meet you, Taehyung-ssi. Let’s work hard together.”


	2. The Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung could count on his hands the times when he was being completely honest in his life. These are three of them.

Taehyung could count on his hands the times when he was being completely honest in his life.

The first time was two days after his mother died. His father could barely get out of the bedroom to greet the mourning guests – partly due to grief, and partly due to hangover. His mother’s family preferred to keep him hidden, because he smelt like a copious amount of beer and soju.

Taehyung saw his younger sister sitting in the corner, her eyes wet and red and swollen. He hated seeing her like this. She shouldn’t have to go through any of this. She deserved to have a family who would take care of her and be there no matter what.

He hated that he couldn’t be any of that to her that day. He had barely slept in the past three days. When he woke up, his chest would hurt and he would wonder why he was still there, in the world.

His sister spoke up, “Will we be okay?”

He knew he should reassure her. He should protect her and make her feel safe. But he could only say the first thing that came to his mind. To this day, he never stops regretting uttering the words,

“I don’t know.”

 

The second was when he spent an evening with Jiwoo by the Han river, lying on the grass and looking upwards to the sky. They just spent the last of their money on instant ramen. It was barely enough to fill their stomach, but he never felt fuller.

There were stacks of good news. His brilliant sister just scored a scholarship at her school, so there was more breathing room in terms of money. Yoongi-hyung and Namjoon-hyung just signed a deal with a small record label, and there were talks to get Taehyung to join the crew, too. Taehyung felt like it might just be a pity offer, but any chance to earn money and be with his trusted brothers he would take. Jiwoo had also been in talks to move to another entertainment company, probably for the fourth time in the past few years _._ It had always been hard on her, what with the intermittent jobs and long waiting periods. But this time, Jiwoo said, it might be different. “I don’t know why,” Jiwoo said, “I have a good feeling about this one.” Jiwoo turned to him, a smile emerging between her full cheeks. He never wanted to frame a memory so much. If she was happy, that was all that mattered.

But he did not want to think about the future. All he wanted was to cherish the present he was having, right there and then, next to her, under the stars. He stole glances at her – from where he was, he could make out her soft blonde strands pressed against the grass, her perfume smelling faintly of rose. He still could not believe that she chose to be here, and that he was fortunate enough to be with her. Life was finally falling into place, even if just for a moment.

“I could die right now, Jiwoo-yah,” he said, breaking the silence. “I’m just… happy. I’m just exactly where I want to be.”

 

The third is today, when he found himself at the police station. The folded steel chair he’s sitting on is rusted and wobbly, but his eyes are unbothered, wide open with determination. The officer before him quivers at the sight of Taehyung's simultaneously intent and empty stare. He nevertheless braves himself and asks, “Would you mind repeating that?”

Taehyung’s expression does not change when he answers, “I killed him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Spotted the reference to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Let me know what you think!


	3. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Taehyung met Joseph Kim for the first time.

Idol group.  


Those two words had been hanging on Taehyung’s mind since the meeting with the company’s higher-ups. They were replacing Namjoon’s idea for a hip-hop collective with this concept.

 _Idol_ fucking _group_ , he could hear Yoongi cursing under his breath when they left the room. Namjoon did not fare better – he didn’t say anything, but he spent the rest of the trip home staring into the distance in silence.

Taehyung did not feel strongly one way or the other about the whole thing. Whatever puts food on the table and pays for her sister’s school works. It’s not like he will do better in a hip-hop group anyway.

But it still hurt to see them like this.

 

To his surprise, idol group was also the first thing that Jiwoo blurted the next time they met.  
It had been awhile. Taehyung had assumed Jiwoo was busy at her new company, probably preparing as a back dancer for the upcoming new group or something as always. But it turned out she was the new group.

The company, she said, was impressed with her long and varied experience. They believed her style would fit this new group that they planned to debut at the end of the year. 

“That’s… so soon,” he said.

“I know, right?” Jiwoo smiled. “Which is why we’re not having ramyeon for dinner. No frigging way. This is probably the last night I can eat all I want.” She stood up. “Let’s go!”

“But then w-“ Taehyung’s words were cut off as Jiwoo took him by the wrist.

 

Before Taehyung could realise it, he found himself sitting with Jiwoo and her members in a long table at a BBQ place. There were some crew members and other trainees from her company, but their table was slightly separated. He was wondering how he was going to pay for all this food before Jiwoo reassured him that it had all been arranged, and he should just enjoy the night.

Taehyung tried to busy himself with cooking meat – partly to make himself useful, and partly because he could barely look at these new people in the eye.  
They were the kind of people Taehyung would never dream of hanging out or brushing shoulders with. The other girl member, Somin, had previously debuted in a Japanese group and was apparently in one of the music videos of some rappers, the ones that Namjoon absolutely idolised. The tall one – was it Matthew? – came from the US, and his charms were enough to make Taehyung think that his broken Korean was how the language should have been spoken all along. He was that confident, that effortlessly cool. 

But the one that made the most impression on Taehyung was Joseph. Maybe it was the fact that they had the same name – only Joseph, who was a few years older, adopted his English name for a stage name. 

Joseph’s big eyes became animated as he shared the journey he made to Australia years ago, when he attempted to find work as a backpacker. “That was when I realised, I want to be an entertainer,” he said in between grabbing the meat slices with his chopsticks.

“Stop taking so much food!” Jiwoo hit Joseph’s arm, and Taehyung pretended to not care.

Joseph glanced at Jiwoo. “Ah, that’s right,” he turned to Taehyung. “We weren’t sure what was gonna happen with this group, but then Jiwoo came along and everything felt right. It was like we were gaining a thousand troops in our team.”

“Aish, so cheesy,” Jiwoo grabbed a meat slice from Joseph’s plate, while the owner continued to praise her.

“That’s true! She sings well, dance well, you know she was in a dance crew right-“

“Stop it!” Jiwoo continued to hit Joseph’s arm playfully, while Matthew laughed at the scene. 

Taehyung watched as Joseph staved off Jiwoo’s bickering. He had never seen someone who was so… open, so unguarded, especially to someone who was practically a stranger like him. He wondered what it would feel like, to live like that, to be completely honest without worrying about what might follow. He felt like he should be hating Joseph, but he couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just got some of my first comments and kudos on my fic.. Definitely an interesting experience. It's really nice to read people's reaction to my work!


	4. The Gig

The more Taehyung looked around, the more he felt nervous. He didn’t really like hospitals – come on, who really does – but the moment he heard the news of Yoongi’s accident, he leaped and headed to this place immediately. No other thoughts slipped through his mind.

To his relief, Yoongi was conscious and, while sporting a seriously busted shoulder, seemed to be unhurt anywhere else. But now that he was here, sitting by Yoongi’s bedside in the emergency room with Namjoon, he started to remember the harsh nitty gritty. None of them had enough money to pay the hospital bills. Yoongi was practically estranged from his family after he expressed his desire to do music for a living. In fact, he was working his part-time delivery job for the extra money when that car swerved out of nowhere, forcing him to make a sudden turn that led to the fall and landed him here.

And neither Namjoon nor Taehyung had enough in the savings for this kind of thing. At least that was what Taehyung thought. Which was why he was so surprised when Namjoon picked out his card, his only measly ATM card from the wallet and made a beeline to the cashier.

As Namjoon returned, he caught Taehyung’s questioning gaze. “I only paid to get him out of here,” Namjoon said, his voice curt. “I can’t afford all the treatments he’s supposed to undergo. Maybe if we ask the company…”

The company. Of course. The company that they’re heavily indebted to, the company that would be less than pleased to hear that their supposed artist had a serious injury that might affect his ability to dance for a long term, _or perhaps forever_.

Yoongi had always been a quiet person, but his silence felt less tolerable than ever. He didn’t say a word all the way home, and locked himself in his room as soon as they reached the dorm.

**

After Namjoon’s insistence that _yes, Yoongi-hyung just needs to be alone right now_ , and _yes, you should go_ , Taehyung left the dorm and took a walk to the address that Jiwoo sent her.

Apparently Jiwoo’s group was supposed to make their first public gig at a club. Taehyung didn’t know what to expect – he didn’t even know the group’s name, or what their concept was going to be.

It was only when he finally found himself in front of the building that he realised how underdressed he was. Not that knowing beforehand would matter – nothing in his wardrobe could match anything that these clubgoers were wearing. Swallowing his spit, he came up to the entrance only to be stopped by a guy in black.

“Uh, I’m here to see the, the performance?”

“The entry’s 30,000 won.”

Taehyung froze. He wasn’t even sure he had more than 20,000 won in his wallet right now. “But-“

“Taehyung!” he heard his name booming from inside. Sure enough, it was Joseph, flailing his arm in his direction. “He’s with us.”

Before he could realise it he was herded into the dark hall with so, so many people. Joseph was talking, but Taehyung could not make out a word he said with the booming music and the chattering crowd.

Joseph leaned closer to his ear. “Glad you made it in time,” he half-shouted. “We are going to get ready, so look forward to it!”

With a tap on his shoulder, Joseph walked away. Taehyung was just absorbing the fact that this was his first time going to a nightclub. It was all new to him – the dancing, the drinking by the tables, the ordering by the bar. Music was booming, people’s faces were just shots of faint light in the dark. He didn’t stick out as much as he expected. It was like being swallowed into a wave, and he was just letting himself get carried away.

But even as excitement crept into his chest, some traces of guilt came along, tailing in the back of his mind. _Are you really supposed to be doing this_ now _?_

Taehyung’s thoughts were disrupted when the music suddenly stopped and the spotlights to the stage were on. There, two girls were standing in a pose, waiting for the first beat to kick. Taehyung’s jaw slightly dropped as he finally realised that one of them was Jiwoo, dressed in leather jacket and boots, looking like she had always belonged up there in front of spectators.

Taehyung knew she was a good performer, from all the videos she showed her – she had this cool, effortless air about her that made all her moves seem deceptively easy. But witnessing her performance in person was a different experience. He couldn’t take his eyes off as she continued dancing to the sultry number echoing in his ears.

The chorus came to an end, and two men joined Jiwoo and Somin on stage. The song shifted into an R&B duet and the silhouettes turned clear as the lights changed. To Taehyung, they looked, for the lack of better word, expensive. Matthew wore sunglasses indoors and still looked like the furthest thing from a fool. As to Joseph, Taehyung could finally properly take in the sight after rushing in earlier. With those big sneakers and leather jacket, Joseph looked like one of the rich kids Taehyung would see in shopping malls, those who browsed high-end stores and ate at trendy cafes while Taehyung picked things up for his delivery jobs.

The foursome began coupling up and dancing closer to each other. Taehyung felt his chest tightening into a knot as he watched Joseph’s hands holding onto Jiwoo’s waist, with her curling her arms around his neck. For a few seconds he lifted her to the air, so easily, so naturally, as though he had been doing it for ages.

The song, which felt like an eternity, finally reached its end. The four formed a line and Matthew led their greeting – Taehyung couldn’t get the group’s name, but it sounded like English. Matthew went on introduce the group, who apparently just released a “pre-debut song”. Taehyung was not sure what that meant, but soon enough some dance track started playing.

The four, now with a mic in their hands, began singing and dancing. It was a carefree, likable EDM song. But Taehyung was no longer grounded. It was as though he was looking at a screen, the sounds so distant, the sight some deceptive statics. Of course Joseph was a good rapper. Of course she had to move her hips like _that_ on him.

Taehyung looked around to see the crowd enjoying the music, mouthing the catchy lyrics, singing along to the melody. What was he doing there? Why would his presence matter when Jiwoo was already up there, being a star, having people cheering for her? Why would she want him around when Joseph was right by her side?

His body grew uneasy with agitation. _This is not your place_. So as the group got to the last chorus, he walked to the exit, slowly but surely. Back into the night, where the wind blew cold and harsh.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by / taken from this FMV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib8RDLZ3eJI
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
